Office etiquette: giving donations/signing cards?
I have worked at my new job 5 months and discovered there is high turnover in this dept because of a clique of 5 people (out of 9). The “ringleader” is an older woman who apparently has to have a target for the clique to dislike. The current target is me, the new person (I don’t care as long as they don’t interfer with my job performance). One of the 5–a student worker–is graduating college and leaving. Not once has she assisted or spoken to me, even when asked and spoken to, but I have heard her make disparaging remarks about me (HR acknowledges there is a problem but since the dept manager takes no action, feels their hands are tied and just keeps transferring people wanting out or accepting resignations.) The dept is taking a monetary collection for a present for this young woman, signing a card, and taking her to lunch. My inclination is to say “No, thanks.” But should I participate just to go along and be a “team player” and not “rock the boat”?
October 27th, 2009 at 7:04 am
Sign the card and say you’re broke.
October 30th, 2009 at 10:45 am
Take the high road. A simple ‘good luck’ or ‘congrats’ and a small donation (if you can afford it) should suffice
October 31st, 2009 at 5:51 am
Donate $5, sign the card and tell them that you have plans for lunch that day. It sounds like regardless of what you do, you’ll be snickered at any way but this way you’ve taken the high road and participated to some degree. Good luck! =)
November 2nd, 2009 at 4:25 am
Do whatever you feel will be best in your situation. Don’t feel pressured to do anything more. It seems there is always some sort of donation thing going around and quite frankly, I can’t afford it so I don’t do it unless it is for someone I have worked directly with. I will sign a card to offer best wishes.
November 4th, 2009 at 7:17 pm
If you don’t want to go to the lunch, and you have no friendly relationship with this student, whom you’ll probably never see again, then don’t go. Sign the card, make a modest donation for the gift and leave it at that.
The lady who runs our office doesn’t feel like she can stress enough to us all that if we don’t feel like participating in the birthday treats, get well baskets, etc. then by no means should we feel pressured to do so. I would take that attitude to any job I have in the future because it is very liberating.
November 7th, 2009 at 11:15 pm
if you donate to one, you need to donate to all and if your office has a high turnover rate like you say, you’re going to be working to pay for goodbyes to your exiting co-workers. sign the card if you genuinely want to, but unless you REALLY like the person leaving, then you’re under no obligation to make a cash donation, especially if that person is mean to you
November 8th, 2009 at 8:49 am
I wouldn’t! I’d be one of the ones transfering out!
November 11th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Absolutely not; do not let them bully you into doing something you should not do…I worked in an office exactly like ours and was abused harassed verbally abused and made to feel like two cents worth of nothing. My work was complicated and involved inputting patient info onto Medicare charts, meds, symptoms, treatments, etc and I tried very hard but I did make mistakes and the girl who trained me told me it took her two years to understand it all and they started in on me almost from the first day. We had all these gifts and cards etc SO phony, and I had to pay five dollars which I could not really afford to get one of the ladies a farewell gift which I deeply resented but was too scared not to do so don’t make the same mistake they won’t like you any better…save your money.
November 14th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Blessed are the peacemakers. My mom taught me, “never purposefully do anything that someone can hold against you.” That’s a tall order. Be the bigger (wo)man and behave like a proper grown-up. Sure, you feel like saying, “but then the jerk lady wins!”. Nay, nay, you are the one who is showing a little maturity. Don’t react if she irritates you, coz then she got what she wanted (control). You are wise to think it through and respond. I wouldn’t bother with the lame lunchtime. Remember, this too shall pass…because soon, she’s outta there. Buuuut, don’t give ‘em too much money, it won’t do to kiss derriere.
November 16th, 2009 at 6:30 am
Times like this I think it’s best to be a team player, to the extent of making a small donation (as small as you feel you can get away with) and signing your name. Don’t bother adding any good luck message, and make up a dental appointment so you can miss the lunch. At least you’ll be able to say goodbye to her with a wide smile!
November 16th, 2009 at 8:31 am
If she has went out of her way to ignore you,return the favor.Just leave the partying to them.You can always say you really didn’t know her well.You don’t right.Why donate to her just to fit in,all that work there with you are grown.Kid games should be left for school kids…Talk to HR again.They may be losing a lot of good people to this childish game….